Holiday Break (from Work)

We’ve been spending quite a bit of time lately discussing some of the stickier elements of family dynamics and family businesses, and while that’s crucially important to discuss, constant talks of betrayal, forgiveness rituals, trust, and more can be emotionally draining. So as we approach the holiday season, we thought it would be a good idea to offer up a quick reminder of the importance of simple family rituals that let us put business aside and come together to reaffirm our love for one another.

While talking business during your holiday dinner may not ruin the day, many business families have found that not being able to “turn off” can negatively impact their family relationships in a variety of ways. Constant business discussion can alienate members of the family not associated with the business (this is especially true during the holidays when we see many extended family members), dredge up unnecessary work-related stress or drama, and inhibit how much family members can learn about each others’ personal (non-work-related) lives. For these reasons and many others, it’s incredibly common for business families to agree to leave work at the door during these special occasions, and even everyday family meals.​

Home (from the office) for the holidays...

Of course, sometimes a blanket “no business talk during family get-togethers” rule can be less-than-realistic, especially if many of your family members all work together. So it’s important for each family to come up with a level of work/home separation that works for them and their prerogatives. The following are a few different compromises that have worked for families in the past to help them ensure quality family togetherness time when a blanket ban on “shop talk” proved unfeasible:

1. Set a Timer: The Johnsons had a mother and sister who each lead their own branch of the business, and with so little time to see each other, family dinners were often one of the only opportunities they had to meet face-to-face. When meals eventually turned into work meetings at the expense of other family members, the mother came up with a solution: they would be allowed 15 minutes of business discussion at the start of dinner, and then they had to drop it. The mom knew that when her partner asked “so how about the MN Twins?” she knew it was time to turn away from her daughter and engage others in non-work-related conversation.
2. “No company talk at the table”: The Harriet family all worked in different parts their business, and to be honest, they didn’t mind talking shop. With so many different areas covered, getting together gave them a chance to all see how the other parts of the company were doing, catch up on each others’ projects, and learn more about the business. But they also knew that this couldn’t be the only topic of discussion, so they banned it from the dinner table. The business was fair game when they were noshing before dinner or finishing the night with a round of cocktails, but they all knew that the minute they sat down to eat, this was the time to catch up about their lives outside the office. 
3. Talk to someone “new”: The McGregors had a family with only a few members in the business, and this often led to them cloistering and ignoring other family members during family get-togethers. Like a teacher breaking up a middle school clique, they adopted a “sit at different tables” approach, making a conscious effort to spend time talking with family members unrelated to the business so they could integrate with the entire group.

There are, of course, many other ways to help keep work talk away from family gatherings. Whether it’s proactively asking others about their lives, breaking out board games as a distraction, or even getting really into making a new recipe, all business families can and should find ways to strive to find moments of family bonding completely outside the business. For more about family rituals, look into The Soul of the Family Business by Tom Hubler. Through personal anecdotes, real-world case studies, useful tools and frameworks, and more, Hubler offers an in-depth look at how business families work to maintain healthy personal relationships. For all of this, pick up The Soul of the Family Business, available in hardcover form on Amazon.com, directly through Itasca Books, or at a bookstore near you. And of course, you can always contact Hubler for Business Families today to set up a free orientation meeting with Thomas Hubler, the expert on family business planning.