Seeking Refuge: The Importance of Spending Time Apart

For so much of the world, the holiday season is a time of rest: a last chance to take off work, relax, and spend time with family and loved ones before the new year. But for many family businesses, this can be one of the most anxiety-producing times of the year: when a family is constantly pressured to spend both quality time with each other without reprieve from running a successful business, heightened stress levels are almost inevitable. Now that we’re past the holidays, let’s take a deep breath and reflect on the importance of setting up systems that allow you to take refuge and create balance from the family business any time of the year.

“I spend every day working with those I care about; I don’t need a break… right?”

The first step in finding your refuge is to accept and understand the necessity of it. Family businesses are often successful because of the natural kinship, cooperation, and understanding that can come from working with those you know the most intimately. However, this same connection means that your personal and professional spheres can never completely diverge from one another. Every family we consult at Hubler for Business Families is asked the same question: “why are you here?” During one session, the adult son in the family broke down during what we called the “big red dot” moment – he had realized that he was never able to escape the overlap between his personal and professional circles (at that time, represented by a “big red dot” in the middle of our Venn diagram); that there’s no such thing as “clocking out” completely when the whole family is bringing home the same work. The son reported to me that he never had the experience of going home from work.

Of course, this family dynamic is fluid: The father may be able to take breaks from the business in more complete or concrete ways, or the daughter-in-law may be less affected by this constancy than the rest of the family. Those that thrive the most on this family business dynamic are often the least likely to recognize the stress it can impose on other members of the family. As we know, inter-family stress can lead to the erosion of the family unit and vulnerability for the family business, and this is exactly why setting up systems of balance is so necessary.

Rituals help take the “business” out of “family business”

One of the most common mindsets is that when you work with your family day in and day out, it means you don’t need to coordinate quality time together, but this couldn’t be further from the truth: Conflating work time with family bonding is an easy way to alienate loved ones from both the family and the business.

One of the healthiest ways to seek balance from the constant pressure of running a business with your family is to set up family rituals that reinforce family connections outside of a business context. Oftentimes, these rituals can be small, such as a simple “no shop talk during dinner” rule that promotes interpersonal engagement without a focus on the business. Other rituals can be larger, such as yearly family vacations where all members take time off work (resource permitting, of course) in order to spend time with their family physically away from the business. Including family members who aren’t part of the business in these rituals (such as in-laws, extended family, etc) can also provide external motivation to keep work out of the picture.

Healthy friendships, healthy families

Of course, sometimes we sincerely need time to ourselves. No matter how well run your business is and how strong your family rituals are, the truth is that spending every waking moment with your family is a recipe for building resentment, annoyance, and anxiety. Part of maintaining a healthy and strong family unit and running a successful business is knowing that sometimes it’s completely necessary to simply take a break from it all. For this reason, it’s important to be proactive in maintaining hobbies and friendships outside of your family and your business. We’ve seen people dive deep into personal interests to center themselves each day, and we’ve seen people turn the tables on classic workplace rituals in creative ways, like doing weekly happy hours entirely with people they don’t work with. When you can find consistent time away from your family, it makes working with them that much more rewording.

By setting up systems to make sure your family balances business needs, meaningful time together, and quality personal time, you too can ensure that your family business doesn’t overwhelm your very existence. For more practical solutions to the problems unique to family businesses, contact Hubler for Business Families today to set up a free orientation meeting with Thomas Hubler, the expert on family business planning.