“Sweep it under the rug!” “Don’t rock the boat!” “Take one for the team!” “Let it go!”
These are the words we say to each other when seemingly small problems arise. No friendship, work relationship, or family interaction is perfect, and we all have tiny issues in each and every interpersonal relationship that we often choose not to address, and it’s easy to see why! Nobody wants to be known for being difficult, bratty, or negative, because we risk hurting our relationships over “nothing” (especially if you’re like us and live in the land of “Minnesota Nice!”). But anybody who’s had a friend or loved one blow up over some seemingly trivial annoyance knows that clear and open communication, even about small issues, is important in building strong and trusting relationships.
These are the words we say to each other when seemingly small problems arise. No friendship, work relationship, or family interaction is perfect, and we all have tiny issues in each and every interpersonal relationship that we often choose not to address, and it’s easy to see why! Nobody wants to be known for being difficult, bratty, or negative, because we risk hurting our relationships over “nothing” (especially if you’re like us and live in the land of “Minnesota Nice!”). But anybody who’s had a friend or loved one blow up over some seemingly trivial annoyance knows that clear and open communication, even about small issues, is important in building strong and trusting relationships.
For many families and businesses (and business families, of course), accepting this can require what really amounts to a substantial cultural shift. We’re so used to large disagreements turning combative that we apply that same combative mindset to small disagreements, which in turn makes us afraid to bring up the small issues at all (because we know they’ll turn into big blowouts). But the truth is that proportional response is not just possible, but key: listening to small problems sincerely, with an open mind, and without diminishing them or blowing them out of proportion is a great way to build trust and lay a groundwork of respect so that everybody involved knows that when large problems arise, they’ll be treated with care and respect.
When Minor Issues Become Major Problems:
Jackie and her brother work in their father’s shop as managers. One day, while Jackie and her brother are comparing saving for their kids’ college funds, her brother lets slip his yearly salary, and Jackie is taken aback at how much more he makes than she does, despite holding such similar positions. While Jackie has never been unhappy with her compensation, she is annoyed at her father for the discrepancy and plans on addressing it with him. Weeks go by as she plans out the conversation, but by this point the family has found themselves deep into the holiday season. Between Thanksgiving Dinner and their yearly winter vacation, Jackie keeps telling herself that it’s wrong to bring up this issue during such meaningful family occasions, but it continues to gnaw away at her. As they approach Christmas, her family notices a distinct change. Jackie is acting more distant towards her father, more combative with her brother, and she finds that these happy family moments are becoming more of a chore and less, well… happy. By choosing to suppress her dissatisfaction for the sake of family unity, Jackie has actually driven the family further apart. Rather than addressing the issue up front, Jackie has sown disharmony in her family, and now her unpredictable actions have made her father and brother too nervous to bring up what they sense is an underlying problem.
Addressing these “speck of dust” issues doesn’t (and shouldn’t) require making a mountain out of every molehill. It simply means treating every conflict no matter the size as an issue of preventative maintenance: Address it now even if the conversation is a bit awkward, or risk the problem growing and mutating into harder-to-solve neuroses.
To learn more about addressing speck of dust issues, managing family conflicts, and running a successful family business, pick up Tom Hubler’s new book, The Soul of the Family Business: A practical guide to family business success and a loving family, available in hardcover form on Amazon.com, directly through Itasca Books, or at a bookstore near you. Tom Hubler will also be holding a book launch party on October 22nd, 2018 at Barnes & Noble at the Galleria in Edina, where guests can purchase the book, hear remarks and words of wisdom from Hubler, as well as have their book autographed. Finally, nothing beats the personalized advice that comes with a face-to-face meeting with a professional family business consultant. Contact Hubler for Business Families today to set up a free orientation meeting with Thomas Hubler, the expert on family business planning.
Addressing these “speck of dust” issues doesn’t (and shouldn’t) require making a mountain out of every molehill. It simply means treating every conflict no matter the size as an issue of preventative maintenance: Address it now even if the conversation is a bit awkward, or risk the problem growing and mutating into harder-to-solve neuroses.
To learn more about addressing speck of dust issues, managing family conflicts, and running a successful family business, pick up Tom Hubler’s new book, The Soul of the Family Business: A practical guide to family business success and a loving family, available in hardcover form on Amazon.com, directly through Itasca Books, or at a bookstore near you. Tom Hubler will also be holding a book launch party on October 22nd, 2018 at Barnes & Noble at the Galleria in Edina, where guests can purchase the book, hear remarks and words of wisdom from Hubler, as well as have their book autographed. Finally, nothing beats the personalized advice that comes with a face-to-face meeting with a professional family business consultant. Contact Hubler for Business Families today to set up a free orientation meeting with Thomas Hubler, the expert on family business planning.
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